it's been 38 years!!

today (may 9th) by english date and yesterday by tithi and nepali date (baisakh 26)  it's been 38 years since baba and i were married!!! 

went down memory lane… took pictures out of their albums to scan and share them.  as i was going through them i realised first of all how young (and skinny!) i was, a child really… : )   another thing i realised is how simple weddings were then… they used to more intimate with guests invited to the homes, and served home cooked food… and then these photographs also made me realise how less intrusive photography was then.. where the photographer (in a non digital world) grabbed moments and did not dictate and direct the priest about how to do things (which i have noticed in many marriages these days)!! 

also is the absence of 'group' photos that has become a ritual in itself these days.. photo sessions with the kaliedescope of relatives and friends from both the bride and groom's sides ...after chhinney, after swayambar, after kanyadaan, after dulahi bhitrauney.  the only group photo i had in the swayambar series in the one with grandparents and parents (together!)... bus!

our chinney ceremony took place nine months earlier than the event in baisakh, when baba had just returned from the then bombay, and i was still studying in school!  this picture and one below of me were the ones that the family shared with each other after the chinney (formalisation of marriage) just so that we could show them to our near and dear ones!! here is baba, with a lot of wavy hair.. a bambai ka babu..

there was this closeup photo of me (there was another full length one) that was sent to the joshis from the dixit side...

first up in baisakh was swayambar... tika first

then garlands.. the flower mala  was made of the small fragrant jai (yellow jasmine) with a lot of jari... i had liked it so much!! sarita didi in yellow sari, helps with the dubo ko mala. kanchhu didi looks on

baba's turn for garlanding

and then the rings... gajendra bajey the priest chants on.. again so skinny!

when my turn came i had wanted to put the ring on without holding baba's fingers, but he(well groomed by his mates, i guess) had made his finger crooked, which forced me hold his hand to push the ring through! uphhh!

there was bit of mirth as dada read out the poem that ama had written (and dada improvised) about 'rupa ko swayambar' (rupa's engagement) it was the reference to the bhabya joonga chha (he's got a great moustache)that brought in the smiles! i love the way babaraja is smiling in this picture...

then tika for natini jwain from babaraja, assisted by kanchhu didi

... and then tika for me...

.. then the photo session.. of the couple... in colour.. love the combination (though bit off colour in this image) of red and yellow and green!

.. and black and white...

.. and this was our great 'group' picture.. with babaraja, ama, dada and deviji.. and don't miss out popi (sameer) who throughout the ceremony stood by my side had kept calling me "bainididi, bainididi" wondering why that tom boyish sister of his had gotten all demure and quiet... my sanimas in a huddle at the back

without the veil.. with viola and bindu bhauju... sarita didi was supposd to come and do my bun for my hair kept in rollers all night.. but she arrived late.. so the hair was just left in curls

... the wedding was meant to be two days after the swayambar, but an old relative died, so the wedding was pushed back by a fortnight...

...this was the photographer being creative on the day of the janti... that is when parties were called in homes...

 

.. it rained cats and dogs and buffaloes in the sudden may storm, (it knocked down the tent in dilla bazar!) but my classmates were all there... cheerful and decked up... 

that evening the janti arrived...this is dada (he was in a really lean phase then!) leading baba towards the jaggey, after the arrival of the janti... thulo mama to baba's right

taking pledges at the barani ceremony.. and eager praveen daji to baba's right...

the kanyadaan time was an unearthly hour of 0300 hrs! here is baba tasting the maur that will later feature in the jaggey...

 the actual kanyadaan.. pouring water and 'giving away' the daughter..  really it's like washing off your daughter's ties to the maiti...  it's the time her gotra gets changed...

i love this picture (crookedly scanned)... especially deviji's face.. what thoughts could have been running behind that mother's mind?

.. time for tilahari.. the first set of beads.. and one that makes the bride's head bow even lower!!

.. and then the nattha. followed by the asarphi ko aunthi.. all of which i continue to wear  over these 38 years at every religious ritual...

following the kanyadaan.. tika for the in laws.. deviji here... from baba.. the garlands were of hollihock from our garden! 

right after the kanyadaan rituals it was the jaggey rituals... a hint of pride and achievement on baba's face for having 'embraced' his bride?  : ) carrot-haired jyoti singh in yellow trousers  at the back... her father bhaiya saab in the extreme right

.. 'neath the jhallari chhata.. throwing laba into the yagya.. what brothers are needed for.. sandaji, slimmer than me!  daji was in czechoslovakia then and missed the whole wedding!! : (

doing the jaggey parikrama.. baba is holding on to my thumb... my cousins were asking me to walk fast.. and i was trying to do so.. but unobtrusively baba was holding me back... love the look on his face! one of 'you don't know what i am up to!'

no sham of using kerchiefs to touch the bride's foot.. here baba giving a pose while vowing to crush all the  bride's enemies like the grinding stone she was stepping on...

this is where the bride has to switch from staying on the groom's right hand side to take her place on the left and thus become a 'bamangi' forever... again i did not want to give baba the pleasure of carrying me (so unromantic i was) and got up myself as soon as i got indication that he would lift me up... to the amusement of my cousins behind...

.. and the final conquest.. baba putting (branding?? : )) sindoor on my forehead... tara prasad looks on from the background..  no cousins around as maiti weren't supposed to witness this ritual...

later that day the groom takes the bride home... after the welcoming rituals.. a test of spirit and opportunity for bonding for mother-in-law and buhari! mana paathi bharney.  budhi phupu desperately tries to cover her nearly hairless head embarrassed. : )  mami looking glamorous!

.. after the mana pathi. befor the 'mookh herney' ceremony...

... that was how kiran raj joshi and rupa dixit were bound in wedlock 38 years ago today...